..I suppose..It is Now time for a Update of my life and My feelings. I have Found the Reason as to Why I have reoccurring Depression.....

I'm Home Sick. Plain and Simple....

I will Never be a City girl...I'll Always be a Wild Child. Its Killing me...to stay in a Place that is literally 10 footsteps to the Person next door....I need the Woods to Live....It breaks My heart to see when a House is going up...I hate People....I want to be Out...God it Hurts So bad to close my eyes and dream of My life Outside...The Deer the Wolves..The Nature......I don't want to Forget it....But its Slipping through my fingers....I didn't Think much of it..until my sister played a Song....telling me it reminded her of me.....In a Nut shell...A man is walking through the Woods...he hears a wolf's howl going to it...they accept him into their Pack...and he himself becomes a wolf...Until One day he sees a woman..and Goes with her...and Setlles down....He becomes a Human again......but he still Dreams Of his wolf days...after the song had ended I looked at My sister....Tears almost in My eyes and asked "Why did he Leave??" ...she Said to start a Pack of his own....But he didn't...He...became Tame...He never returned to His wolf Mother....

I can't...and Won't Have that.......so I've decided....I'm Going to Move Up north....Back to My Home...Its Going to Hurt me......Alot..I don't Doubt it...But I can't stay here anymore....I Just can't..I can feel myself Dieing..slowly.....More and More I look at the Moon and want to Howl......But..I can't....And it Kills me...I want to Run in the Woods....I want to feel alive again.....But Instead..I find Houses....Houses with the Wretched Humans i can't stand to sometimes even look at....I look at myself in the Mirror..and They are Dimmer....Dyeing....

So...I'm looking at Houses for sale Up north...Its going to be hard..I know....and I think I'm going to have to Hunt for Food for a While....But Damn it..I know I can do it.....I'm just hoping I can Find a good Sturdy house...That I can Live in through the Season Changes....I'm going to Try My best....and With this Sort Of Ecomony..I can Get a House..But keeping it will be the Biggest Problem....so..I think I have an Idea.....for now...I can Become a Detention Deputy......They are Generally Always in need of them..from there I can go into Fish and Game...and Actually Do things I would Like......Therefore...I'm going to Bite it....

This is what I have to do....That or Die Trying..